Well, I ventured out in the snow to go see Dr. Czerniecki this morning. Libby stayed home and got the kids off after their 2-hour delays, and Civia's mom watched her kids so she could drive me to the hospital. Something is wrong with my van door. Fun start to the morning. Civia said it made her feel optimistic.
Even though we arrived 45 minutes late (as advised) for the appointment, we still waited and waited. Nancy the NP came to warm up the crowd (me and Civia) by telling us it is now all out of me, and the margins were clear. So when Czerniecki came in, we were feeling good and happy. Well, except that I was a nervous wreck.
He had the full path reports, and told me right away he'd found another 3 cm of cancer in the breast. Very bad, but he didn't necessarily say that. He was reading and reading as he was talking slowly, so his story changed a bit as he spoke. I'm now restaged, Stage 3, which scared the hell out of me. But Czerniecki says they have to do it this way, even though as far as he could tell it wasn't one giant mass, but little specks around one bigger mass. He insists it doesn't change much and my prognosis is still very good.
However: he didn't know I'd gotten myself all optimistic thinking I might not even need chemo, so when he said not much changes, and I'll still need 8 rounds of chemo plus radiation, to me that means a big mental adjustment. One I haven't really made yet, so don't call me unless you want to listen to me bawl. I'm going to try to nap as soon as I finish this. I was gone all day (Civia and I went out to lunch with Ken), and I AM going to Lenape tonight for the incoming freshmen parents' spiel. Even though my stomach is upset and I'm miserable.
I'll try to hang onto Czerniecki's positive air, because he hasn't always had that with me. He thinks my prognosis is very good, and that by early summer I'll be done with everything, growing back my own hair and feeling great. Today, that seems so incredibly far away from now. And that's the end of this update.
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5 comments:
{{{{{{Michelle}}}} Hang onto the encouragement the DR was giving you! I know it's easy for me to say, but maybe if enough of us know you and love you say it, it will sink in. I would listen to you bawl any time. I'm coming back East in June and I hope you will let me come visit and bet there for you some. XOXO
But the prognosis is still good and your doctor is still positive. Those are all good things. You had all the bad stuff removed and you are going to get better. Cry if you need to and know that your family and friends are there if you need them.
Easy for someone on the outside to say, but, while it's not what you wanted to hear, it obviously could have been far, far worse. Try to hang in there. You're surrounded by love, and summer will be here soon.
Michelle, I'm in tears for you (with you), but I remain optimistic as I have been from day one. Love you!
You are an amazing person Michelle. Stay optimistic!
Thinking of you everyday and I love the updates and pictures.
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