When the week begins on an 85-degree day at the pool in sunny Florida in December, and then (Dave, cover your eyes for a sec) the Eagles go on to give the COWBOYS an ass whomping like they've never known on a day where everything counts and everyone had just about given up on the Birds beforehand ... well, it's already a good week.
My week just got a whole lot better! I called last Wednesday for path results, like Dr. Czerniecki suggested, but nobody was even there. Yesterday, no results. Today, still no results. At 7 pm, Nancy the NP was leaving for the day and saw them sitting there. She knew I'd want them, so she jotted down my cell phone number and took it with her. She reached me at Domenick's Pizza in Boynton Beach, and immediately said she had good news: the cancer is not in ANY of my lymph nodes! None! The spot on the right breast was really just fibrous tissue (that looks like it's spelled wrong), and with all the lymph nodes clear, I am in excellent shape. It's so incredible. I knew in theory how weighted down I'd been feeling, but when that large chunk got relieved, it was like my eyes opened wider or something. Even the lighting in the restaurant looked different.
I have no idea how this affects my treatment. Nancy still figures I'll need some chemo just because I'm young, but I most likely won't need more than four treatments. I'm still going to have the surgery I've planned. I made that decision because for my life it makes me feel the most comfortable, and I'd still rather go through this now and eliminate later worry. When I talk to the oncologist (I need appointments with everyone, and lovely Nancy is trying to get them all scheduled for the same day) I'll find out more, and of course I'll post it here.
Thank you so much for all of your thoughts and prayers ... they definitely seem to be working! Now I'm going to go for a celebratory walk with Jason.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Crazy!
I should've known on Wednesday. All day, I felt stress free. I left school with my sub plans for Friday ready and sitting on my desk, but not with the materials in order. I would need them on Thursday, of course. I had a fairly lengthy to-do list for Wednesday and Thursday, in and out of school. Yeah, I should've known.
On Wednesday I went from school to the sitter to Costco with the boys, and got home at about 5:15. I happened to notice the University of Pennsylvania on my caller id, and figured for once I'd better check voice mails. The call was informative, providing information about when to stop eating, what meds to not take, where to park and what time to arrive at the hospital ... the next morning. Thursday! Thursday! Boy, I freaked. On a grand scale, like Esther doesn't even freak like I freaked. And I couldn't reach anyone anywhere. I finally got so bad, I called the counselor at the breast center. Only I got his voice mail, too, and it disconnected me after about every six words. I literally called his number seven times before I got the whole message in. On the sixth try, I suggested that perhaps it wasn't the best idea to allow 10 seconds of recording for patients already feeling fragile ... sheesh. I know I could make that sound funnier, but it wasn't funny. Finally I talked to some doctor who admitted it was Penn's mistake, but that if I didn't come Thursday I wouldn't have the biopsy until after the new year. So I took a deep breath, stopped freaking, and changed my plans.
Ken dropped me off at the hospital (the brand new Perelman Center, which is beautiful) at 6 am, went home, got the kids off to school and Andrea's, and then made it back to the hospital after my MRI and mammogram. He got to go with me to nuclear medicine (busy day). I talked to my mom, who was still SNOWED IN at the Las Vegas airport, if you can believe it. Everything at Penn went without a hitch. I think it's because I was so flexible and adaptable with the date change (yeah, right). However, I guess because I was already exhausted, it took me forever to wake up after the biopsies. I didn't hear almost all of what Dr. Czerniecki said, but I did get that the right breast looks like nothing at all, which is great news. According to Ken, he didn't say anything bad about the lymph nodes. He said to call on Wednesday for those results. On one hand I'm afraid to jinx it by thinking too positively, but on the other, it's nice to feel positive for once!
Anyway, my mom finally made it to Philly last night, and her luggage got back this afternoon. I slept most of the day, and now I'm awake. Jonah has promised not to get sent to the principal's office anymore for being mean to girls (the other voice mail on Wednesday besides Penn). I missed Jason's band concert last night, but Ken videotaped it for me. And Allison, as usual, just wants to go see Twilight ... again. I guess life really will get back to normal this weekend. Whew!
On Wednesday I went from school to the sitter to Costco with the boys, and got home at about 5:15. I happened to notice the University of Pennsylvania on my caller id, and figured for once I'd better check voice mails. The call was informative, providing information about when to stop eating, what meds to not take, where to park and what time to arrive at the hospital ... the next morning. Thursday! Thursday! Boy, I freaked. On a grand scale, like Esther doesn't even freak like I freaked. And I couldn't reach anyone anywhere. I finally got so bad, I called the counselor at the breast center. Only I got his voice mail, too, and it disconnected me after about every six words. I literally called his number seven times before I got the whole message in. On the sixth try, I suggested that perhaps it wasn't the best idea to allow 10 seconds of recording for patients already feeling fragile ... sheesh. I know I could make that sound funnier, but it wasn't funny. Finally I talked to some doctor who admitted it was Penn's mistake, but that if I didn't come Thursday I wouldn't have the biopsy until after the new year. So I took a deep breath, stopped freaking, and changed my plans.
Ken dropped me off at the hospital (the brand new Perelman Center, which is beautiful) at 6 am, went home, got the kids off to school and Andrea's, and then made it back to the hospital after my MRI and mammogram. He got to go with me to nuclear medicine (busy day). I talked to my mom, who was still SNOWED IN at the Las Vegas airport, if you can believe it. Everything at Penn went without a hitch. I think it's because I was so flexible and adaptable with the date change (yeah, right). However, I guess because I was already exhausted, it took me forever to wake up after the biopsies. I didn't hear almost all of what Dr. Czerniecki said, but I did get that the right breast looks like nothing at all, which is great news. According to Ken, he didn't say anything bad about the lymph nodes. He said to call on Wednesday for those results. On one hand I'm afraid to jinx it by thinking too positively, but on the other, it's nice to feel positive for once!
Anyway, my mom finally made it to Philly last night, and her luggage got back this afternoon. I slept most of the day, and now I'm awake. Jonah has promised not to get sent to the principal's office anymore for being mean to girls (the other voice mail on Wednesday besides Penn). I missed Jason's band concert last night, but Ken videotaped it for me. And Allison, as usual, just wants to go see Twilight ... again. I guess life really will get back to normal this weekend. Whew!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Waiting
Last night at the synagogue the rabbi sympathized that the waiting must be tough, that I must just want "it" out of me. And I realized I would have thought the same thing a few months ago. It's interesting what a bit of perspective will do. I'm grateful for the wait, as long as it won't kill me. Right now, with the exception of the odd physical symptoms of anxiety (some of which are dissipating a bit now that I've got a date), I feel the same as ever. Yesterday I taught all day, attended a 5th grade teachers' meeting, stopped at two stores and a bank on the way to the sitter, picked up Jonah, took Jason to Hebrew, participated in a synagogue membership committee meeting, brought Jason home, and then took the big kids to the mall, where we ran around until 10:15. Moving, moving, normal life is all about mobility. Have you ever stopped and looked at someone who doesn't have freedom of movement? The person with the cane or walker, who's taking 10 minutes to walk 30 feet? Everyday, my busy life takes me right around these people without a second thought. However, when I sit back and think about what I need, mobility is right at the top of the list. My mother frequently reminds me that I need to apply for a handicapped plaquard for my car. Yeah, I'll take this last month of what's left of normal.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
My 12-year-old surgeon!
OMG, Dr. Wu looks like she'd be Allison's best friend, no joke. At first I was a bit freaked by a surgeon who looks like a teenager, but she spoke plainly and included lots of statistics, which I love. She said things like, "With this option, there is a risk of hernia. In my hands, that risk is less than 1%."
I'll skip my vent about the closed South Street Bridge and the fact that I now get lost any time I get within the vicinity of Penn's campus. Some guy tried to cut me off and then honked at me, and I shook my head because I was NOT letting him in after he honked, but karma got the best of me when I ended up making an illegal u-turn at the veterinary hospital's emergency room(!) about 6 blocks from "my" parking lot. And even more now that I returned home to find Rudy limping (he has an appointment tonight for what I think is an infected paw pad).
Anyway, Dr. Wu said I have just enough belly fat (she graciously thanked my three kids for it) to fill my breasts. So I don't need implants, I get a free tummy tuck instead. Not bad :) She told me I cannot lose any weight. I think I can handle that. The risks with this are much lower than with implants, too. Also, the surgery will definitely be done at the same time as the mastectomy. That part is good, but I don't know what will occupy my family during the 8-10 hours I spend in the OR. Maybe I should post everyone's cell numbers on here!
I have a tentative/probable surgery date of Wednesday, January 21. That would've been my grandmom's 94th birthday, so that would be a good sign, right? I guess I'll stop working on the 19th, and spend the 20th cleaning and getting ready. I'll be in the hospital for 4 days, and then it will be a full six-week, do-nothing recovery. Dr. Wu called it "hard work." I'll start chemo two weeks after the surgery, but I don't have a schedule for that yet.
All in all, it sure could've been a worse appointment. Of course, I got lost LEAVING Penn, too. *&%# bridge.
I'll skip my vent about the closed South Street Bridge and the fact that I now get lost any time I get within the vicinity of Penn's campus. Some guy tried to cut me off and then honked at me, and I shook my head because I was NOT letting him in after he honked, but karma got the best of me when I ended up making an illegal u-turn at the veterinary hospital's emergency room(!) about 6 blocks from "my" parking lot. And even more now that I returned home to find Rudy limping (he has an appointment tonight for what I think is an infected paw pad).
Anyway, Dr. Wu said I have just enough belly fat (she graciously thanked my three kids for it) to fill my breasts. So I don't need implants, I get a free tummy tuck instead. Not bad :) She told me I cannot lose any weight. I think I can handle that. The risks with this are much lower than with implants, too. Also, the surgery will definitely be done at the same time as the mastectomy. That part is good, but I don't know what will occupy my family during the 8-10 hours I spend in the OR. Maybe I should post everyone's cell numbers on here!
I have a tentative/probable surgery date of Wednesday, January 21. That would've been my grandmom's 94th birthday, so that would be a good sign, right? I guess I'll stop working on the 19th, and spend the 20th cleaning and getting ready. I'll be in the hospital for 4 days, and then it will be a full six-week, do-nothing recovery. Dr. Wu called it "hard work." I'll start chemo two weeks after the surgery, but I don't have a schedule for that yet.
All in all, it sure could've been a worse appointment. Of course, I got lost LEAVING Penn, too. *&%# bridge.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Thank you
I just want to say a very quick thank you. I'm overwhelmed by the responses I've received here and via email in the past day. It's quite humbling. I'm so lucky to have all of you in my life! I'll update again after my appointment with the plastic surgeon on Thursday.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Introduction
Life was going on just like any normal suburban life ... some money problems, some relationship problems, some really wonderful experiences, etc. During the summer, though, things changed.
On August 4, 2008, I went for my baseline mammogram. The next morning I started getting calls from my regular doctor and the imaging center saying they needed more pictures. By that Friday morning, a nurse held out a box of tissues as a radiologist in a darkened room told me I most certainly had breast cancer. The earth shifted on its axis, and I tried to adapt to the dizzy feeling of the change. I went for the biopsy, and a week later was told I was fine! No cancer! A new lease, fresh start!
My mom didn't ever accept it. She insisted I had to go to Penn, to the surgeon she'd found for me. Ultimately, she took the films and slides to his office and begged me to make an appointment. Just before starting my new long-term 5th grade teaching assignment, I made it to the surgeon's office on Election Day. Dr. Czerniecki had a whole nother idea about all those slides: most likely breast cancer, botched biopsy, abnormal tissue. He promised the next biopsy would be easier, but the results were not easier to bear.
On the evening of November 24, Dr. Czerniecki called with the news: invasive breast cancer. Bad shakes. I had to get off the phone. Went there on Wednesday, and got more info: most definitely Stage 2, but no idea where on that spectrum. I would need to make a decision, right then. Do I have a lumpectomy, a mastectomy, or a bilateral (double) mastectomy? I chose the last option. I'm young, and I don't want to take the chance of going through this again in 20 years. The appointment lasted 4 hours. I learned about the chemo schedule, the next biopsy on the lymph nodes, reconstruction, upcoming appointments and more. Brand new education for me.
The next step was Tuesday night (the 2nd). I had MRIs done on both breasts. The next day I waited anxiously for a results call which didn't come. By dark, I had the foreboding feeling that there was no call because Czerniecki was going to call himself. Sure enough, while heading to Hair Cuttery with the boys to get their haircut, he called. I got about half of what he said while my boys screamed at each other in the car. Now they'd found cancer throughout the left breast, and a spot on the right. It's a good thing I'd chosen to have the bilateral mastectomy, because now it's not a choice. And now it's likely I'll need both chemo and radiation.
So here I am. I was supposed to have my lymph node biopsy tomorrow, but because now they also have to look at the right breast, I have to wait until the 19th. They can't do it tomorrow just because they don't have access to the MRI they need to guide them to the tiny spot on the right side. The nurse practitioner promises pathology will rush the results. I hope!
I'm starting this blog just because until now I've had to repeat the same information over. From now on I'm going to just direct everyone here for updates. I'll post as I have them. I'm meeting with the plastic surgeon on Thursday. Maybe then I'll get a date for the big surgery? I hope! I guess I'm just anxious to get through it all. It's all so out of control right now. I don't know how many lymph nodes will be involved, and what that will mean. What changes if that spot on the right is cancer?
I have an anxiety disorder, which until now had been controlled with Zoloft. Now I've added Xanax and occasionally, alcohol (not enough to worry anyone). I'm having a lot of weird stress symptoms. The back of my head hurts constantly, and I have trouble breathing, for example. I don't like it when people cry when I talk to them, because it scares me even more. I'm blessed with a wonderful support system, though, and I appreciate everyone's well wishes and offers of help. Don't worry about saying the wrong thing, because I've always been the queen of saying the wrong thing. But it is good to remind me that next year I'll just be among the multitude of breast cancer survivors!
On August 4, 2008, I went for my baseline mammogram. The next morning I started getting calls from my regular doctor and the imaging center saying they needed more pictures. By that Friday morning, a nurse held out a box of tissues as a radiologist in a darkened room told me I most certainly had breast cancer. The earth shifted on its axis, and I tried to adapt to the dizzy feeling of the change. I went for the biopsy, and a week later was told I was fine! No cancer! A new lease, fresh start!
My mom didn't ever accept it. She insisted I had to go to Penn, to the surgeon she'd found for me. Ultimately, she took the films and slides to his office and begged me to make an appointment. Just before starting my new long-term 5th grade teaching assignment, I made it to the surgeon's office on Election Day. Dr. Czerniecki had a whole nother idea about all those slides: most likely breast cancer, botched biopsy, abnormal tissue. He promised the next biopsy would be easier, but the results were not easier to bear.
On the evening of November 24, Dr. Czerniecki called with the news: invasive breast cancer. Bad shakes. I had to get off the phone. Went there on Wednesday, and got more info: most definitely Stage 2, but no idea where on that spectrum. I would need to make a decision, right then. Do I have a lumpectomy, a mastectomy, or a bilateral (double) mastectomy? I chose the last option. I'm young, and I don't want to take the chance of going through this again in 20 years. The appointment lasted 4 hours. I learned about the chemo schedule, the next biopsy on the lymph nodes, reconstruction, upcoming appointments and more. Brand new education for me.
The next step was Tuesday night (the 2nd). I had MRIs done on both breasts. The next day I waited anxiously for a results call which didn't come. By dark, I had the foreboding feeling that there was no call because Czerniecki was going to call himself. Sure enough, while heading to Hair Cuttery with the boys to get their haircut, he called. I got about half of what he said while my boys screamed at each other in the car. Now they'd found cancer throughout the left breast, and a spot on the right. It's a good thing I'd chosen to have the bilateral mastectomy, because now it's not a choice. And now it's likely I'll need both chemo and radiation.
So here I am. I was supposed to have my lymph node biopsy tomorrow, but because now they also have to look at the right breast, I have to wait until the 19th. They can't do it tomorrow just because they don't have access to the MRI they need to guide them to the tiny spot on the right side. The nurse practitioner promises pathology will rush the results. I hope!
I'm starting this blog just because until now I've had to repeat the same information over. From now on I'm going to just direct everyone here for updates. I'll post as I have them. I'm meeting with the plastic surgeon on Thursday. Maybe then I'll get a date for the big surgery? I hope! I guess I'm just anxious to get through it all. It's all so out of control right now. I don't know how many lymph nodes will be involved, and what that will mean. What changes if that spot on the right is cancer?
I have an anxiety disorder, which until now had been controlled with Zoloft. Now I've added Xanax and occasionally, alcohol (not enough to worry anyone). I'm having a lot of weird stress symptoms. The back of my head hurts constantly, and I have trouble breathing, for example. I don't like it when people cry when I talk to them, because it scares me even more. I'm blessed with a wonderful support system, though, and I appreciate everyone's well wishes and offers of help. Don't worry about saying the wrong thing, because I've always been the queen of saying the wrong thing. But it is good to remind me that next year I'll just be among the multitude of breast cancer survivors!
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