Wow

Last night I was at the supermarket and the full effect of what happened smacked me in the face.  Hard.  It was like having a flashback, only can it count as a recollection if I'm collecting the information for the first time?  So I couldn't wait to get to group therapy this morning to discuss it, and I ended up taking a whole hour to get it out all the way.  I always seem to have these problems to which nobody else can relate, but the other patients always do their best to empathize.  I'm lucky to have found some very caring people there.

Still, I need an MRI.  I talked to my primary care doctor today, and his only advice is to get that MRI.  Hopefully very soon.  I'm trying not to worry, and the steroids I'm taking are helpful, as usual.  I have an appetite at last.  I ate a full dinner and I feel fine.  If steroids help, can this problem be as bad as I fear?  Everyone is trying to convince me I don't need to worry this much.  Including Esther.  My mother!  If she's not concerned, I could probably relax.  If only.

Life is no less crazy after my health scare.  I still have the same people problems, and I'm giving up hope of ever having them solved.  I can't share these details, but at group therapy I'm trying to learn new skills for coping with them.  I can only change my own actions and reactions.  I can't let the envy of what I'm missing eat me alive.  All the positive experiences I won't get to have, all the love I'm forced to inhibit, it breaks me.  But I'm lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life.  I have to focus on that.  I have Jason and Jonah, after all!  Who could ever want more?  I could.  Sigh.