Healing

It's Thursday night. Last Thursday night, I was still getting my mouth swabbed with ice chips, I think. The whole thing is rapidly becoming a blur. Tonight, I went downstairs, ate the yummy chicken pot pie my neighbor brought us, and then helped two kids with homework for a bit.

This is amazing progress ... compared to yesterday. I am not always having such a wonderful, uplifting time, and I'm generally not appreciating anything, anything at all. I'm cranky as can be and I want the bathroom mirror covered so I don't accidentally get a full-body view again. Until getting my antibiotic changed I was having nightmarish reflux and that awful metallic taste in my mouth. I bet many of you are going, "Eww, yuck, I remember that." Drains. Ugh, I would never explain it to you if you don't know. Consider ignorance bliss, as I surely would have given the choice.

My poor husband is completely exhausted in every way possible, and yet he is never, ever not available for me. And the kids: he's taken over helping Allison with the homework because I needed to come back upstairs. And to all the sweetest people who want to and have helped so much, there's not much else that can be done. It's the pillow fixing, and the ginger ale getting, and the back rubbing and the phone answering, and the sitting in the bathroom with me while I cry my way through refreshing showers. Only a spouse gets stuck with that stuff, and I don't know what miracle brought me this one who convincingly insists that my completely ruined body turns him on.

So it hasn't been a great week, but today was the best of it. I went to Wu's office this morning and got rid of three of the four drains. By Monday this last one should be gone, too. I'd even get back to Penn tomorrow if they could get rid of it for me, or maybe the visiting nurse could do it. The NP prescribed a new antibiotic, thank goodness, and suggested probiotics. So we went to Wegman's on the way home. I actually got to go to Wegman's! I rode around the store on one of those scooters, which improved my mood a bit. I got the hang of it quickly, and it was fun. And nothing, of course, beat the opportunity to be a little mobile again. The probiotic pill made a big difference almost immediately. My mom brought me a sandwich, and I ate it! That Wawa shortie probably matched the amount of calories I'd eaten in the past three days. After that I napped for two straight hours, and then I had that pot pie. Yay!

I don't know what tomorrow will be. I might be back in tears, feeling sorry for myself, or maybe I'll progress another little bit. Hard to say. I'm trying to keep my eye on the ball, and the ball is not me curled up into a small one (although, how nice if my body would do that!).

So, healing, physically, emotionally. I don't know. The word mastectomy is so far beyond me, how could I have had one? All I have right now is the future, and I'm still praying it's there for me. My next appointment is with Czerniecki on Wednesday morning, but I'll try to update before then. I know some of you are checking far more often than I write. I would write shorter posts more often, but ... shall I tell you about my week again?