An Oxymoron

I'm guessing calling it an uplifting oncological appointment qualifies as an oxymoron, anyway.


All morning I was a nervous wreck. I'm starting to realize that if I'm a wreck, I'm psyching myself well. It's when I get caught off guard that I end up hugging the Xanax bottle and my favorite blankie. I actually left early for my appointment, picked up my mom and then ... went the WRONG WAY to Ken's office. This might not seem so bad, but Ken works at the Philly Airport, pretty much. How do you miss that exit from I-95? I'd never done it before. It turns out that if you miss that exit, you have to go down a few miles and then figure out which direction on 420 has a better shot of working as a u-turn (it's south, I learned after the fact). And of course, if you go the wrong way, and you're going to the oncologist and you are now worried about the time and you still have to pick up your husband, you have to scream at him on the phone about being lost and then hang up and need to grovel later. 'Member the "occasional saint" part of our deal? That's it. So Ken, yes, I'm sorry I screamed and hung up. Sheesh. Maybe when I'm done with breast cancer I'll keep this blog to write about stupid driving things.


We ended up barely making it on time. Dr. Fox took us back pretty quickly, and he wrote out the history of chemotherapy for us, including dates of introduction of new meds. What's even more impressive is that he wrote legibly ... upside down! He then asked me questions about my wishes. He asked if I wanted the oncotype test, or if I wanted the chemo either way. I was so surprised to have the choice! I said I think I should just have the chemo, and he thought that was the wiser decision, at my age and with my diagnosis. He then laid out my treatment: 4 rounds of TC (taxotere and cytoxan)! But, I interrupted, Dr. Czerniecki said 8 rounds, with TC and AC. Dr. Fox replied, "He's a surgeon. He doesn't know this stuff." TC is the easier type of chemo to handle, but of course I'll still have some of the following side effects, which Dr. Fox wrote upside down: Nausea, menopause (20% chance), hair loss (definite), exhaustion (definite), perhaps mouth pain and metallic taste. My only limitations are no dental visits. I can exercise moderately, I can drink wine at book club meetings, etc. Best of all, my LAST treatment will be right around Mother's Day. I will need radiation after that, and then the 5 years of tamoxifen, and then I'll be done!

Well, except for the BRCA gene test. I have to fill out all kinds of paperwork just to qualify for it (Dr. Fox says I definitely will), and then eventually I can have the test. I hope I can get it soon, because if I'm getting rid of my ovaries I want it done before September.

I'm feeling really good now. I'm at about 80%, I'd say. Dr. Fox looked at the surgical sites and asked if Wu had cleared me to start chemo. I guess I look that healed! I stand completely straight now, I gained 5 pounds (Fox says my weight is fine), and I run errands almost like normal. The only problem is that the burning in my chest, which Wu said was because of the feeling returning, has been replaced by the pain of the feeling now that it's returned. And I'm still often itchy.

Now I've got to run and get Jonah from AJ's. Thanks, Amy, for getting him from school and taking care of him today!