Introduction

Life was going on just like any normal suburban life ... some money problems, some relationship problems, some really wonderful experiences, etc. During the summer, though, things changed.

On August 4, 2008, I went for my baseline mammogram. The next morning I started getting calls from my regular doctor and the imaging center saying they needed more pictures. By that Friday morning, a nurse held out a box of tissues as a radiologist in a darkened room told me I most certainly had breast cancer. The earth shifted on its axis, and I tried to adapt to the dizzy feeling of the change. I went for the biopsy, and a week later was told I was fine! No cancer! A new lease, fresh start!

My mom didn't ever accept it. She insisted I had to go to Penn, to the surgeon she'd found for me. Ultimately, she took the films and slides to his office and begged me to make an appointment. Just before starting my new long-term 5th grade teaching assignment, I made it to the surgeon's office on Election Day. Dr. Czerniecki had a whole nother idea about all those slides: most likely breast cancer, botched biopsy, abnormal tissue. He promised the next biopsy would be easier, but the results were not easier to bear.

On the evening of November 24, Dr. Czerniecki called with the news: invasive breast cancer. Bad shakes. I had to get off the phone. Went there on Wednesday, and got more info: most definitely Stage 2, but no idea where on that spectrum. I would need to make a decision, right then. Do I have a lumpectomy, a mastectomy, or a bilateral (double) mastectomy? I chose the last option. I'm young, and I don't want to take the chance of going through this again in 20 years. The appointment lasted 4 hours. I learned about the chemo schedule, the next biopsy on the lymph nodes, reconstruction, upcoming appointments and more. Brand new education for me.

The next step was Tuesday night (the 2nd). I had MRIs done on both breasts. The next day I waited anxiously for a results call which didn't come. By dark, I had the foreboding feeling that there was no call because Czerniecki was going to call himself. Sure enough, while heading to Hair Cuttery with the boys to get their haircut, he called. I got about half of what he said while my boys screamed at each other in the car. Now they'd found cancer throughout the left breast, and a spot on the right. It's a good thing I'd chosen to have the bilateral mastectomy, because now it's not a choice. And now it's likely I'll need both chemo and radiation.

So here I am. I was supposed to have my lymph node biopsy tomorrow, but because now they also have to look at the right breast, I have to wait until the 19th. They can't do it tomorrow just because they don't have access to the MRI they need to guide them to the tiny spot on the right side. The nurse practitioner promises pathology will rush the results. I hope!

I'm starting this blog just because until now I've had to repeat the same information over. From now on I'm going to just direct everyone here for updates. I'll post as I have them. I'm meeting with the plastic surgeon on Thursday. Maybe then I'll get a date for the big surgery? I hope! I guess I'm just anxious to get through it all. It's all so out of control right now. I don't know how many lymph nodes will be involved, and what that will mean. What changes if that spot on the right is cancer?

I have an anxiety disorder, which until now had been controlled with Zoloft. Now I've added Xanax and occasionally, alcohol (not enough to worry anyone). I'm having a lot of weird stress symptoms. The back of my head hurts constantly, and I have trouble breathing, for example. I don't like it when people cry when I talk to them, because it scares me even more. I'm blessed with a wonderful support system, though, and I appreciate everyone's well wishes and offers of help. Don't worry about saying the wrong thing, because I've always been the queen of saying the wrong thing. But it is good to remind me that next year I'll just be among the multitude of breast cancer survivors!