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Well, I ventured out in the snow to go see Dr. Czerniecki this morning. Libby stayed home and got the kids off after their 2-hour delays, and Civia's mom watched her kids so she could drive me to the hospital. Something is wrong with my van door. Fun start to the morning. Civia said it made her feel optimistic.

Even though we arrived 45 minutes late (as advised) for the appointment, we still waited and waited. Nancy the NP came to warm up the crowd (me and Civia) by telling us it is now all out of me, and the margins were clear. So when Czerniecki came in, we were feeling good and happy. Well, except that I was a nervous wreck.

He had the full path reports, and told me right away he'd found another 3 cm of cancer in the breast. Very bad, but he didn't necessarily say that. He was reading and reading as he was talking slowly, so his story changed a bit as he spoke. I'm now restaged, Stage 3, which scared the hell out of me. But Czerniecki says they have to do it this way, even though as far as he could tell it wasn't one giant mass, but little specks around one bigger mass. He insists it doesn't change much and my prognosis is still very good.

However: he didn't know I'd gotten myself all optimistic thinking I might not even need chemo, so when he said not much changes, and I'll still need 8 rounds of chemo plus radiation, to me that means a big mental adjustment. One I haven't really made yet, so don't call me unless you want to listen to me bawl. I'm going to try to nap as soon as I finish this. I was gone all day (Civia and I went out to lunch with Ken), and I AM going to Lenape tonight for the incoming freshmen parents' spiel. Even though my stomach is upset and I'm miserable.

I'll try to hang onto Czerniecki's positive air, because he hasn't always had that with me. He thinks my prognosis is very good, and that by early summer I'll be done with everything, growing back my own hair and feeling great. Today, that seems so incredibly far away from now. And that's the end of this update.