Bumps

The bumps on my head are back, so I have headaches most of the time.  My emotions are all over the place.  Yesterday I cried all day, and today I was downright nasty.  Now I'm sick in bed, and I have to slice the brisket.  I don't think I can handle being around food right now.  I wonder if the brisket is getting ruined, sitting there waiting for me.

My legs hurt from my hips to my ankles.  I had a dream that I was driving with my legs crossed at the ankles and they got stuck that way.  The car was careening downhill and I could not get to the brake.  It woke me up. 

Kevin started chemo on Monday and he is so sick.  He already had to go to Penn for fluids yesterday.  Dayla found out her cancer has spread everywhere.  It's in her bones, her brain, her lungs, and her liver.  She's quite determined to fight.  If you want to see strength, that's where to look.

I don't know what my story is.  I told Dr. Fox my litany of symptoms yesterday (with Jill's help, because I had trouble remembering all of them), and naturally he's concerned, but he has no idea what they could mean.  What he said to me is that his job is to discover if I have anything wrong that is connected to my breast cancer, so he's running CT scans on my brain (though he doesn't think I have cancer in my brain) and abdomen, and a pelvic MRI.  I'll have all of this done Wednesday morning, and then I'll meet with him the same day to hear the results.  He's already warned me:  if it's more cancer, I have to go back on the Ixebippilone, that horrible infusion chemo I took last summer.  I gaped at him and asked why that, and he said because he already knows it works on me as a primary attack form, and he'll pull me off it again when I stop tolerating it.  I can't even tolerate the word Ixebippilone.

When you leave the exam room at the breast center there, you have to check out before you leave.  It's just a matter of making follow-up appointments and so forth.  They also make any other appointments you need, like for CT scans and such.  The woman who helped me yesterday was working hard to get all of my appointments spaced just right on the same day when suddenly the word Ixebippilone went swirling in my brain and the world crashed.  I started to cry, and couldn't stop.  The woman immediately stopped to help me, and had Jill come over.  A minute later a very kind nurse scooped me up in a big hug and led me into a chemo suite.  That's the kind of sensitivity it takes to be an oncology staffer.  I vented to her a little bit, and she thought the social worker could help me.  I ended up talking, with Jill, to the social worker and a different nurse for nearly an hour.  They're going to help me figure out my Penn bills, because I get a bunch of them and find them overwhelming.  They also made me an almost immediate appointment with the staff counselor, who I met before when I was originally diagnosed.  That appointment went well, so I'm going to continue to see him.  He thinks he can help me stop feeling overwhelmed all the time.  Oh, his name is Mark.  Or Marc?  I think it's Mark.

So that's me, mostly up to date.  I should get back to the brisket, because the sooner it's sliced and soaking in the juices, the sooner I can get to sleep.  Have happy religious holidays this weekend!