Where Was I?

Tomorrow is my last day of radiation. My last day of cancer treatment, hopefully ever. From now on it's just follow-ups, except for that last little breast surgery. My last day of treatment. After finishing the chemo and not being happy about it, I was afraid I'd feel odd about leaving radiation, too. But ... NO! I'm ready to go off on my own and take care of myself. I went to my new primary doctor today for a checkup, and I seem to be completely healthy. I'd always thought of myself as completely healthy, even when I had a sinus infection or something like that. I'd think of myself as a healthy person with a sinus infection. I'm not going to let a stupid little thing like cancer rob me of that feeling forever.

So what's next: Well, I have to train for that 8K race Jill is making me do in November. I have to figure out what to do with this blog. I have to get ready for Jason's bar mitzvah, and Lori and Dave's WEDDING! I still have to get a job. I have to get my emotions in check and keep my weight down while taking Tamoxifen. Most of all, I have to focus on my kids, all starting new educational journeys. Allison goes off to high school in a month, Jason to a new school, and Jonah to first grade. I don't know where I want to be when it comes to cancer.

I sort of want to forget this whole past year happened (last night was a year since my baseline mammogram showed a problem). All along I thought I'd want to embrace the whole survivor mentality, become involved and vigilant, etc. Now I realize I was just so immersed in breast cancer I couldn't envision a future that didn't involve it. And in some cases it's true. I'm physically scarred, and probably emotionally as well. I don't know if I want to remain involved in breast cancer other than doing a walk here and there. However, if you know someone who is diagnosed and is scared, this blog will be available to read, whether I continue to write in it or not. And you can give out my phone number or email address to anyone who needs guidance from a survivor.

On Monday I went out without anything covering my head but my baby soft, very short hair. What a freaking relief. So here is my picture, taken this morning (not yesterday), by Jason! A nice change to not have to do it myself. I didn't post last week's picture, because the week got away from me with the STEP shows and visits and other stuff. There's certainly a big difference in two weeks.