Wine, or is it Whine

There was plenty of both for me last week. I decided I'd better deal with my insurance copays, and it didn't go well. It's not like I owe $40K or something that horrible, but even the $3500 we do owe is a big stretch for us right now. We're refinancing the house, and we'll fold that into the new mortgage. I just want it to be gone. Even more, I want a job for fall. I hate this instability, and I have it on all sides. I look at children sometimes, and wonder if I could end up being their teacher. There are no jobs. Hopefully ads will pop up in August, but right now I'm just spinning my wheels and feeling incredibly restless. Exhausted, but restless.

On the other hand, I'm starting to look like me again. I took the picture of myself on Tuesday, as per usual, but even since then I've noticed I've really grown some eyebrows. Just today I woke up, and burst into tears when I saw I finally have some brows. It's still odd when that rush of emotion hits me like a brick. I don't know I feel victimized by something, but when it becomes part of the past, then I realize I endured and survived, and then I cry for the poor victim I didn't even realize I was. I've just stopped counting weeks since my last chemo treatment, I think it's been 11 or 12 weeks now. But I still marvel at the sensations of taste, and the radiation sleepiness I feel in the afternoons in no way rivals the chemo stupor.

On Monday I saw Dr. Wu, who is impressed with my radiated skin. I don't even have any redness! It really is something. The skin is just a bit tender to touch, and that's the only way I even know anything is even happening. I was hoping to get an appointment for nipple surgery, but she said I must wait six months after finishing radiation. So I made an appointment for January 25, which is one year and four days after my surgery. I tried to get in on the anniversary, but no such luck.

Shout outs to all my friends and family. I love you.