Much calmer

Okay, I read my copy of Susan Love's Breast Book this morning, and I feel better. Because of my anxiety, I don't know as much about breast cancer as I probably should. I'm "not allowed" to look at anything about it on the Internet, and I've learned from experience that this is wise for me.

Yesterday, what Czerniecki said was that he didn't think I'd still be classified as T2. I thought this meant I'm now Stage 3. But according to my book, node negative cancers are not ever classified as Stage 3. The only thing that changes is that I am now borderline Stage 2A and Stage 2B (this is supposed to be Roman numerals, but I don't care). He was measuring the total amount of cancer while I was in his office, and that's why he was reading and talking slowly. The total area is more than 5 cm., which makes it T3, but he says because it's kind of scattered, that's misleading. So I'll consider myself borderline, just to make myself happy. So there!

Here is what the Breast Book showed me: Stage 2A: tumor between 0-2cm. with node involvement, or tumor between 2-5cm. without node involvement; Stage 2B: tumor 2-5cm. with node involvement, or tumor more than 5cm. without node involvement. So I would have been Stage 2A if only the cancer area was a bit smaller.

I also forgot to mention a couple things yesterday: first, I won't see Czerniecki again for a year. He's going to do my breast exams from now on. I'll never have a mammogram again. Second, I have two more upcoming appointments. I have a follow-up with Dr. Wu on Monday. How can I thank her? Even Czerniecki was remarking about how perfect my breasts look. And my big appointment with Dr. Fox (the oncologist) is on the 16th.

I have no idea who's reading the blog these days. I see the followers, and I check obsessively for comments. Ken mentioned my neighbor across the street is reading it! I miss my neighbors during the winter when I never see them, so if you're reading this and I don't generally hear from you, say hi! Like I said the first day, it's impossible to say the wrong thing to me, unless you cry about my impending death or something that would freak me out. I also think Terry and Terri are reading, and they're both survivors. One is a very recent survivor, diagnosed just before I was, and I wish them both all the best. Gloria is a 20-year ovarian cancer survivor, and she is reading this blog as well. I think Sharon has read a bit, and I remember her telling me all about her experiences, when I stayed with her in 1991. At that time she was a 2 or 3-year survivor of Stage 4 breast cancer! Although this blog is really to keep everyone updated, maybe someday it will help someone who gets this diagnosis? That would be nice.

Last night I was surprised to see how many people don't even know about this mess! I went to the high school for the parent orientation. Can you believe I'll have a kid in high school? Well, if you've seen Allison lately, you can believe it. Anyway, I felt pretty normal sitting there, and then I walked all the way to the new cafeteria. It's obvious I'm not walking correctly yet, but that's okay. I made it, and it was farther than I'd walked. In the cafeteria I sat with the Incredible Barb, and with Mary T. Our girls all started kindergarten together in the same class, and here we are. It's nice to have this continuity. I love where I live.